She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
