turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
