How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
