what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
