Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
That's intense
I bet he comes in French.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
