If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
