I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
