I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
