What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
