At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
