i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
