I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I got inside last night via doggy door
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
