so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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