at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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