Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
