Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
