i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
