I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
