Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
