Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
