the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
