If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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