mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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