Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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