Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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