i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You were trust falling into bushes
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
