I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
