Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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