If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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