don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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