I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
