the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
please don't ironically join a cult
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