If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
