i barfeds in our rink
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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