people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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