Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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