I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
