I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
