im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
