I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
