i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
