Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
