4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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