someone get that fucking seahorse.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
