Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
