I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
