Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
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My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
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We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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