Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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