Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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