Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i think my tv is drunk
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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