i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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