i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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