In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
