I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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