she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The air was thick with penises
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize