I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
