none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
